And there it is, last chemo session done. Strangely it was like any other. I don’t know what I was expecting. Fireworks, bunch of flowers? A card? I didn’t want a fuss so to be honest damned if they do damned if they don’t. The truth is chemo became the normal for us. We are so used to bloods and chemo every second week. Day of rest on the Wednesday, sick till about Saturday/Sunday and repeat! What do we do now???? I’m quite a particle person so automatically I want to arrange “a recovery plan”. It’s like I need something in place, for sanity maybe? Went to my trusty pal Pinterest and there was nothing really about what I should do next physically so I googled it. A number of board chats and blogs came up about the emotional recovery after cancer. Do I ignore my emotional needs on purpose? I never even considered what it means to me emotionally to be finished. Who likes to deal with emotions anyway! There was a lot of discussion about staying strong during treatment and all your emotions hit you when it’s over. Feelings of isolation and loneliness. People not understanding why you’re not happy you’ve beat cancer. I can’t say about others but for me I guess it’s not that I’m unhappy but I know it was there, in you once, it can happen again. Remission doesn’t mean gone forever. I always thought I would get cancer (when I was a bit older) Just because there is so much cancer in my family, but when you know your body has produced cancerous cells/tumours, you feel vulnerable. I guess I feel the fight isn’t over, but then I never felt that way. When you have someone close to you fight cancer or if you lose someone to cancer, you fight it every day. I don’t think you have ever beat cancer because it is a fear, an emotion, and a memory before it ever was a part of me, physically. Emotionally it has been a lot harder seeing someone else go through it than do it myself. The recovery physically can take months, some side effects don’t go away and yes naturally there will be a decline in support, but that’s life. The world still moves regardless and maybe that’s a lesson I learnt and struggled with when I was a teenager, and these people are learning it now. Harsh lesson to learn. Onto my practical rant. So yes, my last chemo was like any other. Until I had to ask the question, what happens next, what do I do with my medication? What’s my recovery plan with haematology? The nurse didn’t know, she asked the pharmacist about mediation, so I just continue with that until I finish what I have, it’s only antibiotics, so happy to continue to give my immune system time to recover. I was given a doctor appointment for a months’ time after my scan and that was it. I know a lot of the details will be discussed with my doctor, well actually I doubt a lot of it will be discussed but will wait and see in Feb. I kind of got a glimpse into the lack of support though. There is definitely a gap in support, on your last day you want as much information as the first but then I guess everyone’s last day can mean different things and technically I don’t have the all clear officially yet, but I was left wanting. What I googled the past week….hair growth serums, eyelash treatment, eyebrow growth, dry skin care, dry foot care, encourage nail growth/ brittle nail care. Exercise to strengthen legs and wrists. Low impact exercise and fake tan for dry skin. I got side-tracked a few times but didn’t buy any potions yet! Castor oil seems to be a good home alternative without making myself bankrupt. One hair growth serum was like £58 recommended to use the complimenting shampoo and conditioner, of course! I didn't lose all my hair, its very short but I will have a pixie cut for the summer but it is very limp so looking it help it as much as I can. My dry skin "everywhere" can go do one, its a nightmare, But now I can use nice products and natural products instead of the bland, PVA glue smelling lotions I was using. So I’m looking into what’s best for me now. I feel like it’s New Years, resolutions, trying to be organised (I wish I was more organised). I have a doctor appointment to discuss supplements and diet this week. I have a hair appointment to pick a new wig, (I'm a bridesmaid in April), and I will be booking a dentist appointment, as I need the hygienist desperately! I picked up the courage to log into Uni. I passed my assessment and I have two exams in May that I need to study for. Toxicology terrifies me, but I’ll get there. My hubby Is getting surgery soon also on his Achilles tendon, will be off his feet for a good few months. Which won't be easy for him, cabin fever!!! More than one day inside he starts getting irritated! Our marriage survived cancer but watch this space(kidding of course!!) I still need to get my Gallbladder out this year also, so 2018 won’t be all good health wise but it can’t be as bad as 2017 surely? Hopefully some fun times ahead. Will likely continue to blog as I have really enjoyed writing down thoughts and experiences, and just think, future life events will include wine! Ohh I wonder when I can have wine????
1 Comment
Karren
22/1/2018 04:09:00 pm
Brutally honest and beautifully so! Like turning a page I imagine...only to find more paragraphs...each one part of the whole story but with different twists and turns. Fantastic writing Creina....thank you xx
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