Sorry It’s been so long since I wrote, I’ve had a few low points where I physically couldn’t type and then it took me a while to mentally get over it (I’m such a sulk). About 4 weeks ago I had a pretty nasty side effects from the chemo, where my veins in my arm became inflamed. Every time I moved my fingers I would get shooting pains up my hand and wrist. I’m pretty good with pain but by the Sunday it hurt even when I wasn’t moving, I was in tears, holding my arm. I tried the heat mat, nurofen gel and paracetamol and nothing was helping. Short version, I ended up at the hospital where I cried again and was given some oral morphine, unfortunately It didn’t really work, and as I wasn’t an admitted patient I could only have one dose so I had to wait till the pharmacy opened before I could get anymore. I was rocking back in forth in so much pain for 2 hours waiting to get my prescription. I ended up having to triple my dose to get an effect, it didn’t take away the pain but I was finally able to sleep. I needed it regularly for about another three days. I was a bit paranoid as they warned me it was addictive but I was fine and quite happily stopped when the pain was bearable. My arm was still sore by the next chemo day, but I could use it. I had mentioned a Hickmans line to the doctor so I can avoid any more problems with my hands, and he practically laughed at me in that “you googled that shit” kind of way! A hickmans line is a permanent tube in the chest where you can attach the drugs and take them that way. It is used for chemo patients, but I think due to infection risk it wouldn’t be something I would get. Someone mentioned you need to be admitted. However, I have come across it mentioned in blogs, where cancer patients have it. It may be American patients I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’ll be offered it before the end of my treatment. I was a bit stressed and worried how I was going to react to the next dose but they gave me an extra big flush (saline solution at the end) to try and remove the drugs from my veins which has helped so much! I’ve lost some strength in my wrists, it hurts if I hold a cuppa for too long but with small adjustments I can go about my day to day life for the most part.
I’ve got signed off work till the end of my treatment, as typing hurts after a short amount of time, which is why I haven’t been in touch! It’s such a small thing, and I know people deal with joint pain daily in their lives and I empathise with them so much. It really got me down, I felt like I was broken. My mood has improved now and I’m hoping this will be temporary as it can last a while or permanently after chemo. I also felt quite sick this time, during treatment, although I was trying to watch a movie on the iPad which may have been the cause. Asked for a foil pan just in case! Also after I had reflux for about a week. I found the only thing that help sickness is eating (I’m never going to lose weight!) I tried ginger again but I’m just not a fan, sticking to my Wherther’s Originals. To top it off, Oscar got chicken pox the week before the October holidays, the hospital went into a bit of a panic, had to come in for bloods. I thought to myself though, why are you bringing me into a ward with low immunity with a contagious virus? Anyway, they did and thankfully I had the antibodies. Oscar was a trooper too and loved the five baths a day! Two weeks later his older brother got them, worse I must admit but not as bad as google image babies! There were times, I hid from him! I face-timed my sister, hiding in the kitchen whispering, honestly, if I breath in his direction he will start crying like a banshee. Anything he wanted I was just like, yes Noah, whatever you want hunnie, mummy loves you!!! It was over in a few days. Two weeks later Oscar now has Hand, Foot and mouth. Not sure if Noah will catch it, or if I will, all I can do is wait and see, but I’m starting to believe other forces are against me. My work has been amazing as always, I’ve mentioned before about Creina’s army, a group of colleagues that are there to support me, they give me gifts to cheer me up and just genuinely look out for me and check in to see how I’m doing. Well, Inez who is the driving force behind it won a caring award at our annual event, I cried when I saw the video. I’m so happy she has been recognised. I am very lucky I received some amazing elemis products, knitting needles and wool and love to shop vouchers to help towards Christmas. I am slightly embarrassed by their generosity, I just hope they know how grateful I am for their love. Life is keeping me busy, and it’s taking so much longer to recover after chemo. It’s taking over a week and a half now, so I only have a day or two of feeling normal until it starts again. Tomorrow I have chemo bloods and flu jab, then chemo Tuesday. I also have Uni coursework to do this week as well so hoping I can manage to do a decent enough job. So much more has happened but hoping to write more regular now that the pain seems to be managed. Thank you so much to everyone for messages and blog comments of support. It means so much to hear your words so please continue. X x
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March 2021
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