Happy to announce I have received the all clear, I heard at the start of the week but I have been so busy I have not really “announced” it, which I probably should have as I know there is blog followers who have been waiting to know, for that I’m sorry. How do I feel…I’m relieved that nothing showed in my scan, but I don’t feel relief. Hopefully that’s something that when it sinks in, the feeling will emerge. As I want to feel relieved, I want to feel better and feel I can put cancer behind me in some way.
Ross my husband has had his surgery and was in bed for the last 2 weeks, thankfully now is a bit more mobile, for his on sanity and mine. It was hard caring for the boys and him, so bloody hard. Having him in bed not able to help at all showed me how much of a support he actually is. In some ways I could have helped myself, gave him the washing to sort while in bed, pair socks, things like that, but I didn’t and do you want to know why? I wanted to brag about myself, to myself and all that I had to do and done, nothing is better than self-praise, right? This was all sub consciously I would like to point out, until now, when I was trying to think of a reason why, Absolute eejit that I am! So, I’ve not sat down and watched the six nations rugby, I’ve watched the highlights of the winter Olympics and it’s my own fault! However, thankfully I started a blog and now I can tell everyone all I have done, aren’t I such an awesome human being, wife and mother! Physically, I’m doing better in some areas than others, my hair is coming in pretty thick (on my head!!) Seems to be similar color and texture to what it was before. I’m bridesmaid in April so as I got the chance for another wig I went for a long one so I could pin it up and have a bit more variety. Its stunning but a lot harder to manage. I had it in a low pony tail to the side last week when I went to lunch with my family, I noticed a woman looking at me a bit strangely. Didn’t think much of it, to be honest my youngest was cranky and tired so I thought she was watching his tantrum unfurl. It wasn’t until I went to the ladies about 20 minutes later I realised the wig had shifted while I was up and down picking up toy cars and crayons in the restaurant. The temple bit was up by my forehead and the side parting was at the opposite side of my head! Thankfully I easily shrugged it off but if this was my first wig I don’t know if I could have been so blasé. My short wig doesn’t have the weight so is much more stable. Also, it matts so much more due to its length so as I was advised when I first went, short wigs are much more manageable. I have been out without a wig quite a bit. I usually wear a hat going to and from nursery (that doesn't really account as my head is covered) but I had a night out at a friend house and decided to just have my short hair and it didn’t faze me as much as I thought. My skin is still dry and thin, feet are really bad and lips are very cracked. Nails keep bending and breaking quite low down and I even lost half a toenail (but has grown back!). Energy has improved though and I am awake much later into the night, not exhausted by 5pm. So, I can see positives and I know my skin and nails will improve with time, I can handle temporary. I watched a Facebook video about the professor filling the glass with golf balls and then stones, sand and then beer, have you seen it? It’s about how full your life is and with what. I found it very inspiring. I knew I had been neglecting my friends for years, and I used life as a reason, like I’m the only person with kids! However, it brought it to the forefront of my mind. Thankfully my friends have always been there, but really stood by my side through the last year and what this has shown me is, yes, I am a good mum and wife, but I am a crap friend! I’m always so busy with life I never made time for a chat, a coffee or a phone call. Friends have moved to several houses and I’ve not seen them, have got jobs after University, and honestly, I can’t tell you what they do, unless they have announced it in Facebook! Facebook, that is probably the enemy of friendship. I think what is on their profile is what is happening in their lives, but the Facebook persona created is what you want people to see, from colleagues to cousins, your close friends know better and I lost that. I have decided to make the best of what I can control and focus on people, my family and increasing the circle of people around me but also be around them. I have had a few blog readers reach out to me recently for information and just to chat and I have loved being that support someone wanted to turn to and to think that this blog has helped people makes me so proud. I started it for me as my outlet and it has turned into so much more. Thank you to those who have got in touch with me and to anyone that would like to please, just message me, I’d be so happy to hear from you. Any friends old and potential new want a cuppa I’m up for that too!
2 Comments
Fiona
18/2/2018 09:03:02 pm
Congratulations on getting the all clear.energy will slowy return. Well done you putting up with a grumpy ross.
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Sarah MacKean
4/3/2018 12:22:18 pm
Amazing news Creina ❤
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